The art of helping others is a process of self discovery. We sometimes start with ideals we want to live up to or mentors we want to emulate. Our sense of what is good lies outside of us. And these sources can absolutely act as inspiration or clarification on what we’re shooting for.
But we’re not a profession, we’re not our mentor. Our aim is to discover who we are, to maximise our strengths and learn to soften our weaknesses so that we can be present for the person in front of us.
This is often framed as “being our best self”. And it sounds appealing, we get to be a version of ourselves that we can like and feel proud of. It also sounds like a bit of pressure, a subtle need to constantly perform. It doesn’t leave much room for the messiness of real life. There is a sense of striving, a reaching up, reaching out.
When we aim to be our true self, we reach within. There is more room for acceptance, curiosity and grace. It’s not a performance but a state of authenticity where there is room for the natural ebbs and flows of energy and focus. While acquiring skills and strategies is still important, there is as much to be gained from shedding the beliefs and doubts that hold us back.
Helen Mentha 