This work is complex, multi-layered, nuanced, with multiple presenting concerns being the norm not the exception. Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a secret to unlocking the potential of therapeutic conversations?

We’ve all seen our fair share of confident experts promising that they have the answer. That the truth is simple once you know it. It sounds reassuring. Seductive even.

But what if I told you it’s true? There really is a basic hack to have better engaged, more productive conversations.

Get a good night’s sleep.

Like a really good, bone-deep, at-peace-with-the-world, refreshing, restorative sleep. And do it again. And again. And again.

Ah.

Damn.

There are so many reasons we might not get the quality of sleep that we need, and it’s not a simple thing to address. Listen to sleep experts on how the modern world, our diets, our habits, our hormones, our lives mess with our sleep and it’s amazing we get as much as we do.

Yet it’s also worth being curious about the things we do to try to become a better helper that might get in the way of being a truly rested one. Where might we be striving, straining, stressing? Cutting corners on self-care in the name of supporting others? Short-changing the present moment because we’re chasing the future or dwelling on the past? Undervaluing what we, the person, might have to offer, separate to what we know?

So yeah. I’m not saying it’s easy. And if you’re anything like me, it’s a work in progress. But it just might be one of the most fundamental areas of professional development that we could invest in.

We’ve all heard the phrase “can’t see the wood for the trees” – getting so lost in detail we miss the bigger picture. We know that experience all too well.

In helping professions we can get so caught up in the day to day to do list. Perhaps it’s back to back appointments, targets and competing demands. There’s paperwork and data entry. Too many meetings with too little focus. The scramble to book rooms, cars and other limited resources.

We often need to remind ourselves to take a step back and reconnect with what we’re really here for, the bigger meaning to all the busyness.

We can also extend the concept to ourselves. When we see ourselves as one tree in the woods, we are more likely feel disconnected. We may be tempted to compare ourself to other trees, notice who is bigger, or stronger, or who gets more sun. When we see our differences, we increase the potential for competition or the risk of feeling insignificant.

But when we see ourselves as part of the one forest, we can connect to something bigger than us. Feeling a part of a community of care relieves the pressure to be everything to all people and allows us to make our contribution as well as we can. We don’t have to have all the answers for our part to still be helpful.

In an ecosystem of empathy our combined strengths and aptitudes add up to something far more beautiful and profound than any one individual needs to be.

We’re often told to “Find your passion!” Others tell us to forget passion, and find our purpose – the feel good factor may come once we discover what is meaningful. Even if the best path lies somewhere between the two, such advice can feel like a lot of pressure.

If so, we can find a starting point in the softer idea of potential. We may not yet have answers, but we can look for clues. We might now have a clear direction but we can discover stepping stones worth exploring.

We can pay attention to what sparks an interest in us, tune in to what gives us a feeling of energy, excitement, wonder or adventure. And we can also notice what feels valuable or fulfilling. We can look for evidence of what is genuinely helpful, where we can see that it makes a difference to other people’s lives.

If there’s an overlap between the two, even better. It might be worth investigating further. If there isn’t, or there are too many overlaps, we can look for something that is good enough for now – an experience that might lead to more options later.

Perhaps there is a key criteria like feeling intrigued or pays the bills without burning us out. We might want to choose a next step that aligns with a value or introduces us to interesting people or learning.

What we really need is a place to start. And do that. And then do that some more. And then see where that takes us. Because the real learning will come from the doing, not from the finding.

Sometimes we need to slow down and do less. It’s not about giving up but topping up. We need to refuel, to rebuild our energy reserves. We need to refresh, to sustain our curiosity. Taking a step back can bring clarity or new perspectives.

We might need recovery time in our career – a holiday, a secondment, a change of direction. But we can also catch our breath within our conversations.

Doing less can make what we have already done more effective. We all know the power of a simple, heartfelt apology that isn’t diluted by explanations or justifications.

It’s easy to get caught in the momentum of a conversation. A pause may help us to continue with clearer intention. Asking ourselves “What is this person really telling me?” or “What’s not being said?” may take the work deeper. Asking the other person “What have I missed?” or “What are you hoping we will focus on?” might take us in a surprising or more meaningful direction.

We can do less in the moment too. If we have reflected back our understanding, we don’t need to go straight into another question. Leaving silence between our words lets the person hear their own thoughts.

If we’re halfway through a reflection and it feels like it’s hard to finish, we can just stop. Chances are we’ve already reflected back a complete thought that stands on its own.

We can simplify questions without feeling like we need to guess what to explore next. Perhaps a simple prompt of “What are your thoughts?” or “What else?”

We know this. It’s not new. But a lot of our training leaves us feeling like we’ve got to work hard, be busy, be clever. But the space between the doing is just as valuable.