Helpers want to help. Carers want to care. Yet there will always be those moments when you need to do the thing the other person doesn’t want you to do.
Maybe you need to say no when they want to hear yes. Perhaps you can’t provide a desperate sought after resource like housing, financial assistance or a service. Or you need to notify child services or inform a corrections worker of missed appointments. Or exit a person from your program before they are ready.
None of these are easy, particularly if you have worked hard to develop a relationship and the action you need to take is likely to create conflict or opposition.
So how do you want the person to experience the interaction? What would give them an experience of feeling seen, valued and looked after?
It might be as simple a gesture as gently acknowledging this is not what they hoped would happen. Or holding the space with kindness and non-judgment. We can enquire more deeply into what they are experiencing. We can ask what they need from us and respect their choice if we’re not the right person to support them right now.
We might not be able to take the action they would most want us to make, but we can at least try to make sure they know they are heard and cared for in a difficult situation.
Helen Mentha 