When we turn up to support others we want to make a difference. We go to a great deal of effort to learn more, develop skills and extend our repertoire.
Even if we are clear we can only address one part of the picture – nutrition, housing, substance use, trauma, parenting skills – we ideally want to help resolve a specific problem. We may even have performance targets that explicitly require us to do exactly that.
Maybe we can meet that need. But maybe we can’t. Maybe it’s bigger than us. When we stand in the shoes of the other person, the idea that just one other human can help resolve a complex issue, let alone several, seems unlikely. Not impossible, but also far from guaranteed. And it sounds like a lot of pressure on the person who tries.
When we see our contribution as part of a bigger process, it becomes easier to find the part that you can do – the contribution that makes the best use of your strengths and skills, and offers the most useful next step for the other person.
One good solid stepping stone can make all the difference, providing a way to realistically move forward instead of staying stuck or risking leaping too far and falling.
There is real value in offering a safe place to land, take stock and consider the next move. Instead of needing to join the person for the whole journey, we can be a friendly face who is familiar with this stone, this bit of the path and where some of the next few stones might lead.
Helen Mentha 