The idea of self care matters. We need to look after ourselves – our bodies, minds, and hearts – in order to truly look after someone else. When we work supporting others we sometimes need to take a step back and disentangle our self from theirs. And it helps to be given permission – even outright encouragement – to do so when the work is never done and there is always more that we could do.
That said, I’m not a massive fan of the term ‘self care’. For a start it’s an awkward phrase, it feels constructed. If you swapped ‘self’ with ‘car’ and tacked on the word ‘package’ at the end, it would comfortably belong as a tick box on a form at the car dealership so they could sell you more stuff.
And language matters. The way we describe things frames how we think about them. When I think of the term self care, I think about me, my self, and my focus goes inwards. Yet we know that an outward focus that creates connection can be profoundly nourishing, whether it’s connecting with loved ones, nature, meaning or community.
More, self care implies that it’s my responsibility, something I should do in my own time, out of sight, like fixing my own car or some kind of DIY for the soul. But it can be deeply healing to feel not just connected, but how interconnected we are. Our shared humanity. Our shared flow of energy. That we are a living, breathing part of our community, ecosystems, universe.
While self care can include connection and interconnection, it doesn’t naturally point to them. It’s also just kind of… vague. An umbrella term, regardless of whether it’s raining or not.
So perhaps we can choose our own words that more accurately describe what we need. When I think of self care what I usually need is to refresh – to top up my well of energy and meaning. Sometimes I need to recover – to catch my breath after a period of intensity. And sometimes I need to repair – to heal something that feels hurt or damaged.
We can also think about the qualities we would like to rebalance. Perhaps we need more gentleness or lightness. Or something more tangible, like space or movement. Specific strategies may more naturally emerge when we are clear what we need. So when we talk about self care, let’s be curious about what language both expresses our needs and strengthens our connection.
Helen Mentha 