The work of supporting others holds us to a high standard. We need to be considered, responsive, not reactive or unkind. And it’s not just when the person is in front of us. It’s how we write our case notes, discuss experiences in team meetings, raise concerns with services engaged in shared care, debrief in the tearoom.
Yet there’s times in the work when we need a good vent. Maybe we feel frustrated, disrespected or manipulated. Maybe the person we’re trying to support consistently treats us in a way that makes us want to snap back or give up. The human within our professional skin sometimes needs to express the emotion before we can reflect on the underlying issues.
Making outbursts taboo and bottling up frustration or hurt is a good recipe for burnout or misdirecting anger toward someone in our personal lives. At the same time, a culture that tolerates snarky or degrading comments risks that disrespect leaking into the work and compromising the quality of care.
So what’s between the two? We can vent about the behaviour rather than make global statements about the person. We can own our reaction as our experience (“ I feel angry”) rather than blame (“they made me angry”). We can quarantine the vent (“I just need to get this off my chest”) and ask for support (“I’m reacting and need help to take a step back”). Personally I’m also a big fan of swearing – they are such lovely energetic, percussive words – but I appreciate it’s not for everyone or suitable for every workplace.
We can be proactive, reflecting on the situations that push our buttons when we are calm and consider how could we express ourselves in a way that honours both our experience and the other person’s dignity. We also invite our peers into a shared conversation. How do we want to handle frustration as a team? How can we allow each other a little grace when the human response gets ahead of us? How can we collectively come back to a place of balance? And then fine tune as we go.
Helen Mentha 