When we enter helping professions, one thing we’re often not ready for is that clients aren’t always ready for us. We’ve worked hard to learn knowledge and techniques only to find they fall flat in the gap between where the person is at and where they could be.
Perhaps they agree there is a problem but aren’t ready for the hard work of making change. Or someone else thinks they have a problem but they’re not sure or don’t think it’s under their control. And it doesn’t help that what we’re suggesting is often the equivalent of telling people to take a pill five or twenty times a day, and that pill is the size of a watermelon, bitter and hard to chew. What we offer usually isn’t fun.
Some workers put this back on the clients – they’re not ready and there’s nothing I can do – or blame them – they’re resistant or non compliant. Some take the responsibility on to themselves – I’m incompetent or need to try harder. Some will blame the system – it’s unrealistic, underfunded or uncaring.
I’m often asked “How long should I hang in there when a client isn’t ready?” My honest answer is “I don’t know”. I never knew. But the best I could offer is “longer than you think and not so long that you create an allergy to helpers”.
We sometimes need to hold the optimism for the other person until they’re able to believe in it themselves. And if it isn’t the right time to make change – and sometimes it just isn’t – we want to give the person an experience of feeling heard, respected and valued so that, if they become more ready in the future, they would be willing to seek help again.
Helen Mentha 