Helping professionals are some of the biggest hypocrites I know. And I should know, because I’m one of them. People who care for others often hold themselves to different, usually harsher, standards than we would apply to the people we support.
We tell ourselves to be tougher, stronger, more resilient while supporting others to sit with and accept their more tender needs and feelings. We downplay the stresses of the work because it’s common, not because it doesn’t have an impact. Much needed recovery and rest become luxuries, sensitivity to pain becomes an inconvenience, and someone else always has a tougher job so we just keep going.
And sometimes we swing to the opposite extreme, particularly when we feel short on time. We might find ourselves advising change we have not been able to make ourselves. Or communicating in a way that we wouldn’t want someone to use with us. Or hold managers or peers to a standard we either don’t meet or wouldn’t apply with such judgement if we accepted their normal human vulnerabilities and struggles.
When we see the same double standards in others, we might get concerned or critical, but either way we know it’s unlikely to be effective. When we see the same in ourselves, we might just double down. And yet we’re all in the same boat. We all have our insecurities and shortcomings. We all grapple with contradictions and messiness. We could all do better. We could all be kinder, both to ourselves and others. And we could all do with more sleep.
Helen Mentha 