Some things, once we learn them, stick. They might even be harder to unlearn as they now seem obvious or common sense. Other things can fade from immediate memory if we don’t use them for a while, but come back readily enough once we start to use them again.
And some things need to be learned 10,000 times, where each time they feel like a fresh insight only for us to realise, in hindsight, that we’ve been here before.
Conversations are full of them. The power of listening. The value of slowing down and exploring the other person’s perspective. The importance of not jumping into giving people advice when they share a dilemma.
And then there’s the personal 10,000 lessons. The hard won, easily lost, destined to be repeated many more times lessons that feel like a revelation each time only to disappear like smoke as soon as we lose focus. We each have our own versions, but there’s some popular ones many of us share.
Mistakes are inevitable, even essential, otherwise it’s hard to learn and grow. We can’t mind read, no matter how much pressure we put on ourselves to do so. We won’t be at our best 100% of the time. It’s ok to need help – in fact many people like to help as much as we do. Comparing how we feel on the inside with how other people look on the outside is a path to pain. We’re not as special as we hope but we are absolutely more than enough as we are. Buying more things won’t fulfil a yearning for connection or meaning. Change is inevitable. We’re all interconnected. Love is one of the most powerful forces on the planet. As is gravity.
It can be tempting to be hard on ourselves each time we re-remember, telling ourselves we should never have forgotten the lesson in the first place. Yet if we can accept the comings and goings as part of the deal with the 10,000 lesson, it becomes easier to respond more with “Ah, hello friend, it’s nice to see you again.”
Helen Mentha 