When we talk with people about change, there’s often a gravitational pull to get into planning as soon as possible. That’s where most of our training has been focused – all the things we can do together or teach the person to do for themselves. It’s particularly hard to resist the urge when we’ve heard reasons for change and they’re clearly considering it.

Yet moving too fast into solutions can be one of the quickest ways to slow the work down. We can get bogged into a quagmire of ‘yes buts’ and renewed ambivalence. We hear the word yes but it feels like no. Not yet. Not that. We might get frustrated – they seemed so ready, they’re so close to experiencing relief. We might even start to judge. Or feel judged when we’re trying so hard to help. But maybe in our optimism we just took a step too far or too soon.

So how do we know when it’s time to move from drawing out the meaning of the change into preparing for action? One strategy is to do a last sweep for why the change matters – much like doing a last check of the hotel room to make sure we haven’t left anything behind and our passport hasn’t slipped under the bed.

We can summarise what we’ve learned from the person about what the change means, and ask for what we have overlooked: What else might this change mean for you? How else might it help? What have we missed?

Once they’ve found all the why’s they can think of for now, we can ask them what they’re ready for: Where would you like this conversation to go next? How do you feel about looking at some possible next steps? What ideas have you already had?

Then we’re more likely to be travelling together without accidentally having left something – or someone – valuable behind.